


The Kagari Interviews

by Wileycap



Category: Little Witch Academia
Genre: Drama, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, Oblivious Akko, Romance, shades of hamanda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:34:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22287220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wileycap/pseuds/Wileycap
Summary: Diana Cavendish is in an odd mood. Akko deduces (meaning, “is told by Hannah and Barbara”) that it’s because of a crush. Akko decides to play detective and figure out whom Diana has a crush on. Her brilliant method is to interview everybody they know, in the hopes that one of them confesses... to being Diana's crush.Akko isn't strong on logic. What she is strong on are detective novels, impulsive decisions and managing to completely fluster Diana. Complicating things are their friends, Akko's obliviousness and Diana's inability to just spit it out already. Somehow... they make it. COMPLETE!
Relationships: Diana Cavendish & Atsuko "Akko" Kagari, Diana Cavendish/Atsuko "Akko" Kagari
Comments: 114
Kudos: 458





	1. A Blonde; Betrayed

Diana sighed.

It was shaping up to be one of those days. Unseasonal rain had brought unprecedented floods to Luna Nova and Blytonbury, and the teachers had all been rounded up to deal with them – the weather disturbances were magical in nature, after all, having been triggered by the unsealing of the Grand Triskelion and the return of magic. Thus, Luna Nova – and all magical academies around the world – had volunteered to help with any calamities that might arise from the return of magic, both to help restore public trust in witchcraft and to study the returning magic.

This depressed Diana for several reasons: one, she didn’t particularly like rain, two, there was no class to distract her, and three, the rain meant that she was stuck indoors with- with people. Yes, _people_. She didn’t like people very much, in the mood she was in. People complicated her life. People made her feel uncomfortable, and flustered, and not in control – people had a tendency to smell like rain (because they had been out in it) and pie and tarts and sweet things (because that seemed to make up ninety-nine per cent of their diet) and surprise her in hallways and talk to her and be _infuriating_ with the hair and the skirt and the legs and the eyes –

which were, of course, all essential components of human beings, colloquially referred to as ‘people’. Not any specific person.

Diana sighed, once more. Then, deciding that mere sighing was not doing it, she drew a deep breath and let out a little groan. That seemed to help, so she took another breath and decided to try a small wail. Then a slightly longer, louder wail.

Then she took a look at Hannah and Barbara, on the other side of the table, who were looking at her like one might look at a perfectly healthy young woman who had just started wailing to herself in the library.

“Oh”, she spoke. “I apologize. I must be distracted.”

“You don’t say”, muttered Hannah, under her breath.

Thankfully for Diana’s dignity, the library was otherwise deserted. The rest of the student body had taken the news of “no class, stay indoors” very well; that is to say, they had ransacked the kitchens as one and set up little parties in each of the dorms.

“Diana, you know, maybe you should- ugh!” Barbara had begun to speak, but Hannah had – not too subtly – elbowed her in the side.

“Maybe I should…?” Diana raised an eyebrow.

“Maybe-you-should-take-some-time-to-yourself”, Barbara hissed, glaring at Hannah. “That’s what I was _going_ to say.” That was definitely not what she had been going for, Diana was sure of it. Thinking about it, the problem seemed to be fairly apparent: the rest of the students were partying, they were playing caretaker to a morose Cavendish.

“By which you mean that you are tired of my moaning – literal and figurative – and would like to go party with everybody else”, Diana spoke with a small smile. “I am sorry. Please, do not feel burdened by me. I am sure I’ll be equally miserable alone as in company.”

“That’s not what-“ Barbara began

“I know, I know”, Diana held up her hand. “I am only being dramatic. But be that as it may, the fact is: I am miserable, and I won’t be any more so alone, while you on the other hand will be much happier, partying with the others. Please, go on. I think being alone will do me some good.”

Barbara seemed defeated, while Hannah was just frustrated. But both girls seemed to concede that there was nothing more they could do.

Diana watched them slip out of the library and promptly buried her head in her hands. And wailed. It seemed to help.

* * *

In the Red Team dorm, Atsuko Kagari was currently engaged in a tug of war. The matchup was Akko, Lotte and Amanda against Jasminka. Jasminka was handily winning. On the floor, amidst discarded pastry tins, sweets, and a few mugs, Sucy and Constanze were deep into a match of Beat Fighter IV on Constanze’s contraband console.

As the three unlucky witches collapsed to the ground at the feet of the victorious Russian, the door opened, and Hannah and Barbara strode in.

“Oh, hey!” Lotte waved her hand from underneath Akko, who was trying to push Amanda off of her, while Amanda resisted all she could – for no other reason than that it was what Akko wanted, and it was fun to see Akko squirm.

Barbara responded to Lotte’s wave, while Hannah took in the sight of Akko struggling, and rolled her eyes.

“Diana is moping in the library.”

“Whoa- hey, Akko, whoa!”

As soon as the words had left Hannah’s lips, Amanda had found herself lifted up by a suddenly super strong Akko. Ignoring Amanda’s protesting as she was dumped on Sucy’s bunk, the brunette started prattling out words at lightspeed.

“What’s wrong with Diana? Is she planning to leave Luna Nova again? Is she leaving Luna Nova because she won our last Shiny Chariot card game match and she wants to run away before I beat her again? She’s not allowed to do that! We’ve got a rematch coming up!”

Everybody in the room shared a look, which was surprisingly hard to do - first Hannah had to look at Barbara, who turned to Lotte, who looked at Sucy, who looked at Constanze, who looked at Jasminka, who looked at Amanda, who looked at Hannah, and then, of course, everybody else had to share a look with everybody else they hadn’t yet looked at. All in all, it was an impressive feat.

Fortunately, they had time, as Akko had built up steam and was currently calling Diana a dirty coward for using a trap card to end a match.

“… and anyways, it’s not a win if you use unfair cards, you’re supposed to fight it out with magic, not strategy, and- huh? What’s everybody looking at?”

The whole room had turned to look at Akko.

“Nobody cares about the card game except you and Diana.” supplied Sucy from her corner. Constanze nodded.

Akko pouted. “You’re all just mad that you keep losing at it.”

“No, dummy, we just think it’s a stupid waste of time-“

“A-ny-ways, that’s not the reason Diana is moping,” interjected Hannah. “She’s moping because she’s got a crush.”

“Hannah!” yelped Barbara. “We shouldn’t tell A- nybody! Anybody!”

“We’re not telling _anybody,_ we’re telling everybody.” argued Hannah. “And if _anybody_ happens to hear it, then that’s just collateral damage.”

At the word “anybody”, everybody in the room again looked at Akko, whose eyes had glazed over.

“Diana has a crush…”

There was an awkward pause, as everybody looked at the seemingly frozen Akko. After a moment, Amanda poked Akko, to see if she was still alive. As Akko didn’t react, Amanda saw an opportunity, and readied a stronger poke, aimed at a more sensitive target, and-

“Ow!”

With surprising speed, Akko grabbed Amanda’s hand and used it to point at Barbara.

“Hey, hey, let go!” protested the American, and was ignored, as Akko had a mad glint in her eye. Barbara backed up a step at the sight of the brunette wielding a human being.

“And you said 'anybody' weird! Almost like you were trying to say a name that begins with an A!”

“Y-yes...?” Barbara asked, unsure of where Akko was going. Akko turned to point Amanda’s hand at Hannah.

“And you said you’re telling everybody, but if anybody happens to hear it – which means that there’s a chance that Diana’s crush might hear it in here…”

“Yes?” prompted Hannah, trying to lead the impulsive witch on. Akko used Amanda’s hand to scratch at her chin, thoughtfully. Amanda snatched her hand away and called Akko gross.

“So that means that the person Diana has a crush on is in this room... and their name begins with an A… which means…”

“Yes!” the entire room spoke at once.

“It could be any one of us!” cried Akko, triumphantly.

“ _NO!”_ everybody groaned.

“And I’m going to figure out which one!” continued Akko, completely oblivious to the general disappointment around her. “By doing some detective work!”

And with that, she rushed out of the room, leaving a mess of extremely nonplussed people behind her.

“She was _so close_ …” Hannah complained. Amanda had buried her face in her hands, and Lotte was trying some sort of weird half-smile of disappointment.

“Hey, Lotte, did you see the _night fall_ news?” asked Barbara, the first to recover. Lotte instantly switched her weird smile for a real one.

“You mean about the new series?” Lotte asked, and Barbara nodded enthusiastically. “Yes! I can’t believe they’re doing a series about-“

“-the rug at Edgar’s manor – I know, right?!” finished Barbara, switching to a dramatic voice and quoting the tagline. “’Here, people have died, here they have lived. Now you will hear the story… of _the rug._ ”

Lotte laughed, shaking her hands in excitement. “I love WitchFlix originals!”

As the two _night fall_ fans happily talked about their favourite series, Amanda had taken a seat beside Jasminka, who was eating her snacks. The American’s gaze was focused intently on Hannah, who was trying to look like a lost beauty amidst a fancy ball, an effect that was slightly spoiled by the fact that she was in a dirty dorm room, amidst half-eaten food and trash.

Jasminka nudged her friend and spoke softly. “Go talk to her.”

“I’m gonna,” nodded Amanda, rising to her feet.

“Be smooth,” said Jasminka.

“Baby, I’m always smooth.”

With that, Amanda drew a deep breath, gathering her confidence, and walked both of the two steps that were necessary to reach Hannah in the cramped room. The proud witch turned to regard Amanda, who tried her best to swagger.

“Hey, your last name is England, right? ‘Cause I’m from America!”

Behind her, Jasminka gently lifted her palm to her forehead.

On the floor, Sucy and Constanze looked at each other, wordlessly sharing a judgement on all of their weird friends. As the _night fall_ conversation mixed with awkward flirting and the sound of eating in the background, Constanze held up a cartridge with the words _Beat Fighter V: The Beatening_ on it.

Sucy grinned. “That’s supposed to be the most brutal one.”

Constanze nodded, seriously.

* * *

In the library, Diana was busy moping. Her head was laying on the table, next to an open notebook and a Japan travel guide. On the page of the notebook, somebody had expertly sketched two women in kimonos, holding hands by a lake. She sighed, eyeing the drawing gloomily.

And jumped, as somebody slammed their hands on the table.

“Akko!”

The brunette towered over the Cavendish heiress, her expression stern. Dramatically, she pointed an accusing finger at the blonde – who was scrambling to stash away the notebook and travel guide – and declared: “I know your secret, Miss Cavendish!”

Diana reeled from the shock.

“Huh?” the eloquent Diana asked.

“Oh, yes, I know _all_ about it,” Akko drawled, eyes narrowed, as she mimed taking a drag from an imaginary cigar. “Your dark little secret. The blonde bombshell in front of me was sweating bullets. Her eyes glinted as the light from the cars driving outside hit her, each flash illuminating more of her flowing hair, that plunging neckline, and those legs that could go on for days… the woman was danger, personified.”

Mystified, Diana took a look at her outfit, which was a regular school uniform, with no plunging necklines in sight.

“Ah. I take it you liked the detective novel I lent you?”

“Yes! It was so cool!” Akko gushed. “Do you have any more?”

“I do,” Diana replied, with a small smile. “I’ve even got some that aren’t horribly sexist.”

“Cool!” Akko exclaimed, before turning serious again. “But anyways, back to your dark secret.”

“Very well,” said Diana, amused. “I am looking forward to seeing what horrible indiscretion you have uncovered from my hidden, dark past, detective Kagari. Is it that I did, indeed, kill my jealous lover after he caught me in an affair?”

“It may well be, beautiful,” Akko played along, sitting on the corner of the desk with her hand on her lap, the other one still holding an imaginary cigar, as Diana did her best to appear like a lady in distress from the 1930s. “But that’s not why we’re talking now. It’s who you had the affair with!”

Diana gasped, clapping a hand to her mouth in mock surprise – and to hide her smile. “It was… it was you, was it not? You were the mysterious stranger who comforted me after my hideous crime!”

“That’s right! I’d recognize you even without your red wig, red, as the blood you spilled that night, the night that Johnny Two Fingers was murdered. You stood outside that club like a mysterious swan, ready to swim into the first safe harbour…” Diana couldn’t help but to snort at Akko’s dramatics. Akko herself was having trouble keeping a straight face. Her following words came through giggles: “Though- I admit- it’s hard to recognize you- with your clothes on…”

and with that, both of them lost it, devolving into breathless laughter.

Diana was feeling better. Even just talking to the brunette brightened her day immensely – even though, in many ways, she was also the source of all of Diana’s misery. After their laughter had subsided, she asked: “What did you really want to talk about, Akko?”

“Who’s Akko?” Akko demanded, gesturing to her imaginary cigar.

Diana rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. “Detective Kagari?”

“Oh, just a little thing your two pretty friends let slip,” Akko drawled. Diana schooled her features, and resumed her character of a 1930s femme fatale. “I know all about your little _crush_.”

This time, Diana’s shocked gasp was genuine.

“ _What_?”


	2. Preliminary Investigation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternate title: An Oblivious Heart Is Your Magic, Akko, You Dense Piece of Rock

“I know all about your little _crush._ ”

“ _What_?”

How could she know? Nobody knew! And if she knows – what had that been, previously? “Beautiful”? “Legs going on for days”? “ _Mysterious swan_ ”? Was… she _flirting?_ Should Diana flirt back? Or had she been doing that? Should she flirt less, play hard to get? Was it even flirting? Was the library _hot_ for some reason?

Right under Akko’s eyes, Diana underwent a myriad of emotions. Finally, the blonde settled on a “my lawyer advised I should say this”-kind of tone:

“I have no recollection of ever having a crush in my life.” _Yes, very good, Diana. That was the best possible response,_ she thought, adding a mental sarcastic clap. _Just do not make it any worse._

“As a point of fact, I am not entirely sure what the word means.” _Congratulations, you halfwit. You made it worse._

Luckily, Akko just laughed. “Come on, Diana, stop joking around. We need to find out who you have a crush on!”

“Find out – what?” Diana’s “what” was a general “what”, intended to encompass all the “what” that she wished to communicate. “Who informed- I mean to say, who is even spreading around such a rumour?”

“Hannah and Barbara told me!” _Those snakes!_ seethed Diana. “Now, let’s review the facts. This person, likely a Luna Nova witch, would have been located in the Red Team room at, let’s see” Akko looked at her wrist, which did not have a wristwatch on it “uh, about thirty minutes ago, I guess.”

“That’s, ah, all you know?” asked Diana, weakly.

“No, I also know their name begins with an A!” Akko looked very proud. Diana looked ready to faint.

_But that… that would lead her right to…_

“So, it could really be anybody in there!”

Diana blinked.

“So, Akko,” she began, enunciating her words very carefully. Akko nodded to show she was listening. “You’ve been told that I have a- a crush, and the clues as to whom it is on are ‘they’re in the Red Team dorm room’ and ‘their name begins with an A’, and the conclusion you’ve arrived at is that… it could be anybody? Am I, in fact, interpreting this correctly?”

“Yep!”

“I see.” Diana looked at Akko’s beaming face. “That’s… quite a puzzle.”

Akko’s face fell. “I know! I’ve been thinking about it for like, twenty minutes, but I’m not any closer to solving it…”

Diana surreptiously pushed her sketchbook and the Japan travel guide further into her bag. The library – with rain beating on the windows, and a low ember smouldering in the fireplace – was quite cosy, now that she thought about it, certainly a perfect place to spend an afternoon with a… dear friend. Without her conscious mind really even being aware of it, Diana’s hand began to reach out towards the shoulder of her morose friend, when Akko suddenly perked up.

“But I figured out how to solve it!” said Akko, beating a fist onto her palm. Diana quickly retracted her hand, while Akko held out an enchanted magazine in hers. “First, I need to interview you to find out what kind of person you like! I have this MyWitch magazine from Lotte, and it’s got this quiz in it, and I think we should do it!”

“I will not-“ Diana began, and then paused to think. And sighed, rubbing her eyes against her palms. “If I refuse to answer, you will likely come up with some other, hare-brained scheme that will be much more reckless and eventually cause me even more stress, yes?”

“Aww, you know me so well,” Akko replied fondly, giving the blonde a toothy grin. Diana fought to keep the upturn of her mouth at bay.

“… very well. Go ahead and interview me.” she said after making sure she could affect a disdainful enough tone.

“Yay! Let’s get started!” Akko exclaimed, beaming at Diana. “This is the 'Magical Crush Locator Quiz'! So – first question: what’s your ideal vacation?”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Diana asked, trying to shove the Japan travel guide even further into her bag with her foot. “I – I suppose it’s – ah, Paris. Yes. Romantic walks.”

She hid the instinctual scrunch of her nose at the thought of Paris.

“Diana, come on! Don’t lie!” Akko pouted. “You have to take this seriously!”

“What? How did you know I was lying – I mean,” Diana stuttered, realising her knee-jerk reaction had betrayed her lie. “How would you know that?”

“You told me, like three weeks ago. We were talking about all the cities Shiny Chariot went to-“

“- you mean _you_ were talking –“ Diana muttered, uncharacteristically petulantly.

“ _and_ when we got to talking about her Paris show, you got all huffy and said that Paris is full of rude people and the smell of pee, and you’d never want to go there,” Akko explained matter-of-factly. “So how could that be your ideal vacation?”

Diana was torn between being impressed and annoyed. Impressed at the fact that Akko, who had trouble remembering a lecture from fifteen minutes ago would remember her words from three weeks ago, and annoyed for the exact same reason; this time was the one Akko decided to have a working memory? The one time it would have actually served Diana for Akko to be her usual, forgetful self?

Part of her was also flattered. Akko remembered birthdays of those closest to her, everything related to Shiny Chariot, and now – apparently – Diana’s words. As far as Akko was concerned, that was a very exclusive club.

“Also, this magazine has a truth charm on it. If you write down a lie, it turns red – see?” Akko said, holding up the page for her to see.

_Of course it does._

“Very well, I lied. I see that lying will do me no good and resolve to answer the remainder of your questions truthfully,” Diana said, defeated. After a pause, she continued. “Japan. I have never been, since that one Shiny Chariot performance, and… I would like to.”

“Really?!” Akko gushed. “You should come visit sometime! I can show you around, we’ll see all of the great magical sites!”

“I would enjoy that,” Diana admitted, quietly.

“Okay, next question – what do you hate most in a person?” Akko asked.

“Complacency and cowardice. I don’t like people who are afraid to try, or too satisfied with where they are to stop striving for even greater heights. I also don’t like people who don’t believe in themselves.”

“I could’ve guessed that. That’s why you like me, right?” Akko asked.

“P-pardon me?” Diana blushed faintly.

“I mean that that’s why you first started respecting me, right? Because I didn’t stop trying at the Samhain Festival, or when I came to get you back to Luna Nova,” Akko listed. “Right?”

“Yes, that is… one of the things that I admire about you.” Diana’s voice was again quiet.

“Aww, I just like you because you’re super talented and pretty and kind to people,” Akko said with an air of casualness, like it wasn’t any big deal to say that to another person. Diana’s blush deepened. “Okay, the next one is – what quality do you admire in a person, that you would be ashamed to admit to anybody else?”

“Well, I suppose, to a very mild degree, I enjoy… a bit of a rule-breaking, rebellious streak, and I suppose I like being challenged. I don’t want my partner to be a pushover, I want them to be my rival, someone who can inspire me to push myself even harder.” Diana stole a furtive glance at Akko, thinking that the brunette _must_ have caught on by now, but – no, Akko was simply busy filling out the quiz.

Next up was a long list of “favourite”-type questions, such as favourite food (“I am partial to Beef Wellington, an English classic”), favourite colour (“Red”), favourite artist (“… Shiny Chariot.” “What? Say that again! Diana! Say it louder!”), favourite pastime (“I like reading and horse riding.” “Likes… to… ride…” “… Akko, it’s very important to me that you do not leave that sentence open-ended. Please add the word ‘horses’ in there.” “Okay, next question!” “Did you add ‘horses’? Akko? Akko!”), favourite hair colour (“Ah… b-brunette”) and finally ending with favourite thing to do together on a rainy day, which Diana found uncomfortably poignant.

“Well, I suppose I’d like to retreat to the library together, converse, drink tea and read… preferably next to a fireplace.” Diana answered, avoiding Akko’s eyes. Unluckily, that meant she was staring directly at the fireplace, that had magically refreshed itself and was no longer smouldering, having happy flames dancing in it again.

“Oh, hey, the favourite colour one was actually _eye_ colour – but it didn’t do the lie thing, so…?” Akko asked, glancing at Diana.

“Yes, it’s… still true.” Diana internally cursed the infernal magazine.

“Okay, last one-“

“- thank goodness for that-“

“How would you like to be confessed to?” Akko asked. Diana groaned. The fireplace crackled, and rain still beat on the windows. Diana thought about the question.

“Well, I don’t really mind the manner, but I do wish for it to be direct. No fooling around, no – arranging flowers to spell out my name or anything infantile like that. Still, I confess that I wish for it to be romantic – in a private place, with only the two of us, and they’d take me by the hand and… lay their feelings bare.” Diana tried very hard to focus on the patterns on the floor ahead of her, when Akko grabbed her hand. Diana yelped, as Akko locked eyes with her and drew a deep breath.

“’Diana Cavendish, I have feelings for you, and I want to know if you feel something for me too’,” she recited, still holding Diana’s hand and looking deep into Diana’s eyes, which were wide open. “You mean something like that?”

Diana let out a little croak.

At the mercy of Akko’s expectant, guileless gaze, she was forced to reply: “Y-yes. Something like that.”

“Okie-dokie, just making sure!” Akko said, seemingly entirely unconscious of the fact that the heiress in front of her was about to have a heart attack. “We’re done! Now, it’s going to point out your crush!”

“Wait, what? Point out? What does that mean?” Diana asked, alarmed.

What it meant was that with a wave of Akko’s wand, the magazine glowed blue for a second, before a tired-looking sprite with a barrel-like body and short, stubby limbs crawled out of the page, wearing a hard hat and smoking a stubby dog’s end of a cigarette. With an air of indifference, it pointed at Akko.

“What?” asked Akko. “What do you want?”

Again, the sprite looked towards Diana, and then gestured – with more force – at the brunette. Diana tried to sink into her seat.

“Hey! Stop pointing at me, we’re trying to find Diana’s crush!” Akko demanded, pointing at Diana. “Di-a-na! Look! Right there, the pretty one!”

The sprite clapped its hand onto its forehead. Shaking its head, it reached out into the page, and pulled out a tiny neon-lit arrow, like something you might see on a billboard in Las Vegas, an equally small assortment of a drill, a hammer and some planks, and proceeded to construct a tiny billboard, with the words “THIS IS A SIGN” on it, with the neon arrow pointing at Akko. Diana’s blush competed with the neon lights in radiance and colour.

“Hey, you lazy sprite, you left the placeholder text on there!” Akko indignantly pointed at the text that said “THIS IS A SIGN”. “Come on! Quit playing around and help us!”

The sprite threw its hands up. Diana buried her face in her hands.

“Stop throwing your hands up! Do something!” Akko insisted.

The sprite, losing its patience, gave Akko a mean look. It reached for the miniature billboard, tore off the arrow and flung it at Akko’s head, before turning to Diana and pointing, for one last time, at the brunette who was holding her head in pain. Then it climbed back into the page, slamming the magazine shut behind it.

“Ow! Stupid magazine,” cursed Akko. “Figures that it would be defective.”

Diana drew a breath, trying to gather her courage.

“Actually, Akko, I think-“

“Well, the best way right now is to just interview everybody else!” Akko declared, ignoring Diana. “Wait right there!”

And with that, she sprinted out of the library.

Behind her, Diana collapsed in her chair and wailed.

* * *

Akko panted, fleeing the library as fast as possible. _When that dumb sprite pointed at me, I almost thought..._ she groaned mentally. _And I held her hand and said that I have feelings for her! Thank the Shiny Rod that she just thought I was doing a thing!_

Diana had looked completely terrified when Akko had done her mock confession. That had told her enough. _There’s no way she likes me._

Making her way to the Red Team dorm room, she burst in and almost knocked Amanda, who had been leaning very close to Hannah, over. Her eyes fell on the short-haired witch first, and her mind instantly went to two weeks ago when she’d been _this_ close to confessing to Diana in the North Gardens, when Amanda had come by and started teasing the two about being on a date and effectively ruined the moment, setting Akko’s carefully gathered courage back by months.

“Alright, Amanda! You’re up!” she said, yanking the American out of the room with surprising strength, ignoring protests from both her and Hannah. “Time for your interview!”

The door slammed behind them, and Hannah was left looking awkwardly around the room at all the people whom she wasn’t really friendly with.

Sucy grinned evilly. “You know, if you leave now, we’ll all know you were only sticking around because of Amanda.”

Hannah gulped. “What? I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

From down the corridor, they could hear Amanda’s voice. “Hey, Akko, is this payback for the time I caught you and Diana in the gardens a couple of weeks ago?”

“Whaaat? I have _no_ idea what you’re talking about!”

“Wow. Echo." said Sucy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, ah, this was supposed to be two chapters... and now it's four. I have actual, like, important stuff I'm supposed to be doing, but... no, Diakko fics it is! Thanks for all the feedback, and thank you for reading!!! I live off of comments and kudos because I sure as heck am not doing enough schoolwork to be living off of that!


	3. No Jury Would Convict Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ... of Loving Diana Cavendish

Akko burst into the library.

“I’m back, Diana!”

Diana had thought of running away – but her dorm room was shared with Hannah and Barbara, traitorous snakes as they were and would they surely turn her over to Akko, and fleeing to any other part of the castle would have just meant Akko mobilising half the students as well as most of the faeries to find her, as that was the First Law of Akko – when the headstrong brunette set her mind to something, she would accomplish it, or get seriously injured trying. Most often she would get seriously injured. And Diana, no matter her feelings about Akko’s “investigation”, didn’t want to see how Akko would get herself seriously injured trying to figure out her crush. Because that was the Second Law of Akko: no matter the scenario, the impulsive witch _would_ find a way to get hurt in it.

(Secretly, she had thought of fleeing outside, into the rain, where Akko would have inevitably found her shivering under a scenic-looking tree, perhaps a tall, mighty oak, and gently brought her back inside to warm up, together, perhaps by sharing body heat. The Third Law of Akko was that for some reason, Akko was always very warm. One might even say snuggly.)

Still, even though they were dancing around a subject that _terrified_ Diana, she couldn’t help the hoppy feeling in her chest any time she saw Akko. It was, frankly, uncomfortable to be so thoroughly smitten, but… Diana had once read the phrase “sweet pain” to describe infatuation, and she was more or less willing to sign off on that description, even though the same author had also described the main character’s eyes as “incandescent orbs.”

Still, just as quickly as the sight of the brunette set Diana in mind for Harlequin novels, the sight of the short-haired American being dragged behind her put her right out of that state of mind even quicker.

“O’Neill.” she coldly acknowledged Amanda with a nod.

“Wow, Cavendish,” Amanda whistled her approval, taking in the library. “A good old roaring fire, a rug, the rain beating down outside… you’re all set for a cuddling session, huh? Want me to give you and Akko some privacy?”

Amanda finished by winking at Diana, obviously expecting the heiress to blush and stutter, to make a fool of herself. By the hints Akko had told her Hannah and Barbara had dropped, Diana had figured that most of the others had probably caught onto her shameful infatuation, so Amanda’s attempt to fluster her didn’t come as a surprise.

Diana raised an eyebrow and smirked ever so slightly.

“Yes.”

“Aww, don’t be ashamed- wait, what?” Amanda was caught off her guard.

“Yes, I would like you to leave so I can cuddle Akko next to the fire,” Diana said, evenly. True, her insides churned, and she couldn’t even think of looking at Akko, but her voice didn’t waver, and her cheeks didn’t redden.

“I – huh,” Amanda said, vaguely impressed. “I have to say, I didn’t expect that, and I have no idea where to go from here. Touché, I guess.”

Diana bowed her head slightly in acknowledgement of Amanda’s concession. “Well, then-“

“But I guess you know where you’re going from here, right, Cavendish?” Amanda interrupted, suddenly reinvigorated. “Straight into Akko’s pan- ow!”

Amanda was interrupted in turn by a beet-red Akko punching her in the shoulder.

Diana pinched the bridge of her nose. “You are insufferable, O’Neill.”

“Proudly so,” Amanda replied, grimacing and rubbing her shoulder. “What’s with the police brutality, huh, Akko? I thought I _wasn’t_ in America anymore.”

“Shut up, Amanda,” Akko grumbled, pushing Amanda to sit opposite Diana, who resented the seating arrangement. “You’re here just because I wanted to get you out of the way. Let’s make this short – are you Diana’s crush, yes or no?”

“Wait a minute. You want to know which one of us is the prissy missy’s crush, so you’re asking _the people she might have a crush on?_ ” Amanda was incredulous.

“Yeah! I tried doing a quiz with Diana, but the stupid sprite just pointed at me and started doing his DIY-project…” Akko mumbled. “So, we’re back to square one and doing investigations the old-fashioned way!”

“Yes, but – you’re asking us.” Amanda insisted, trying to will Akko into realising the absurdity of her process, and meeting the metaphorical 20-metre thick castle wall, fifty archers defending it and a moat filled with crocodiles that was Akko’s brain when presented with new information. “ _Us._ ”

“Yep?” Akko said, regarding Amanda as if one might a small child that doesn’t understand basic math. Amanda opened and closed her mouth, doing a fantastic impression of a fish on dry land.

Diana smirked at the American. “Why, O’Neill, is simple logic too much for you?”

“It’s _simple_ , alright,” Amanda retorted. Diana didn’t answer, but she was fairly sure that Akko’s backwards method of interrogation was, in fact, one of the brunette’s understated flashes of brilliance. After all, asking Diana straight out would have only produced denial, which wouldn’t have been useful at all. But bringing out the potential candidates one by one and asking _them_ the questions would place Diana in an unguarded position, since instead of talking she would be listening and reacting - allowing Akko to gauge Diana’s reactions, as well as the potential crushes. Akko was headstrong, had a short attention span and was prone to weird leaps of logic, but she was not stupid.

Diana was… ninety-nine percent sure of that.

Well, ninety-eight.

Lost in her musings on the inner activity of Akko, she almost missed the outer activity of Akko, which was repeating the “charges” against Amanda.

“… and you’re pretty tall, which I guess might be hot, even though I think Diana likes to be the taller one.” Diana marvelled at Akko’s ability be incredibly insightful – because yes, her crush was indeed shorter than her – and entirely oblivious at the same time. “So, Amanda O’Neill! Are you Diana’s crush?”

Amanda weighed her options, her eyes slyly darting between her interrogator and Diana.

“Naw, I don’t think Cavendish has the hots for me,” Amanda admitted, crossing her arms behind her neck. Akko and Diana both breathed a sigh of relief that Amanda wasn’t going to make it any harder than that, when… “But I think _you_ do, sugar plum.”

“Amandaaa…” Akko groaned. She was used to Amanda’s teasing and habit of stirring up trouble for her own amusement. She was, at the most, mildly embarrassed by Amanda’s words.

But the brunette wasn’t Amanda’s target. Casting a sidelong glance at the other side of the table, Amanda stood up and leaned over Akko. “What? You said you think tall girls are hot.”

Akko rolled her eyes. “Yeah, but not you- I mean, I didn’t even say I think tall girls are hot!”

On the other side of the table, the logical side of Diana, which was usually the one that ruled her actions, told her that Amanda was trying to provoke her into embarrassing herself. The logical side of her argued, very compellingly, that to react in any way would only harm her.

Sadly, as far as Akko was concerned, the logical side of her could go _screw_ itself.

And as in front of her, Amanda leaned over _her_ Akko and reached out to stroke her cheek, Diana saw red.

“Come on, don’t say you’ve never thought of _this_ ,” Amanda said, gesturing to herself.

“Watch out, Hannah might hear you,” Akko muttered, turning her eyes towards the ceiling.

“Come on, _baby_ ,” Amanda drawled, mockingly, and just then she reached over to Akko’s cheek to turn the brunette’s gaze towards her. “Just let me show you what you’re miss- ow!”

Amanda had been too focused on her act to pay attention to her target, and it had backfired. Diana Cavendish stood at her side like an executioner, and her hand had a vice grip on Amanda’s ear. Before Amanda could protest any further, she found herself being dragged by the ear like a disobeying child. Diana strode towards the door as fast as she could, dragging the unfortunate American behind her.

“Ow! Ow! Ow! Calm down, Cavendish!”

Opening the door, Diana deposited the taller girl outside. The last thing Amanda saw before the door slammed shut was the completely red face of the heiress.

Amanda grinned to herself. A sore ear was _so_ worth this kind of drama.

On the other side of the door, Diana tried her best to collect herself before turning to face Akko. Turning, she found herself unable to make eye contact with the shorter witch, instead focusing her eyes on an interesting pattern on the floor.

Akko spoke first.

“Well… I guess she’s not your crush, huh?” Akko asked, with a weak chuckle.

Diana hesitated. “I-“

“ _Mood lighting, lovebirds!_ ” cried a voice, and the enchanted lights were extinguished, leaving only the fireplace, that had once again been reduced to embers, and the weak, grey light filtering in from the outside, where the rain was picking up. The door, that had been quietly opened, slammed shut again, and they could hear retreating footsteps and Amanda’s cackling.

“Oh, that -!” Diana cursed, waiting for her eyes to adjust to the suddenly much darker room.

“Diana?” Akko’s voice sounded out in the darkness. As if in response, the fireplace flared up in magical flames, flooding the room with a soft, warm light. Diana’s breath hitched in her throat.

Before her, Akko had been suddenly illuminated. She had moved to stand closer in the darkness, and now she was barely an arm’s length away from Diana, and the sight of her was breathtaking. The warm, orange glow made her skin light on fire, and her eyes – as the flames hit them, they became incandescent orbs of ruby.

Diana kicked herself mentally for the description.

“I, ah,” she began, but were words really necessary? In the firelight, Akko was an angel, a shooting star fallen to earth. All that Diana would need to do was extend a hand and capture her.

Her courage failed. “I should get the lights on. Please, go and fetch the next interviewee.”

Akko’s face fell only slightly. “Y-yeah! Let’s continue on with the investigation!”

With that, she walked out, and Diana was left to try and calm her beating heart.

* * *

_Was that jealousy?_ Akko asked herself. The way Diana had literally thrown Amanda out for teasing her, it was… and the way Diana had looked at her… but then, she’d turned all business again… It couldn’t be, Akko decided. It was just that Amanda was annoying, and she’d gone too far… by… touching Akko.

Yep. Nothing suspicious there.

Making her way back to the Red Team dorm room, she opened the door to Amanda’s voice.

“and then I said, ‘mood lighting, lovebirds!’, and turned off all the lights-“ Amanda was recounting the story mainly to Hannah, as Lotte and Barbara had apparently decided to bring Jasminka into the _night fall_ club and Constanze and Sucy were busy finishing up with _Beat Fighter V: The Beatening._ “Oh, hey, Akko. Why aren’t you making out with Cavendish? Wait, she isn’t with you, is she?”

“Don’t worry, your ears are safe,” Akko said, as Amanda had indeed covered her ears.

“What?” asked Amanda, who had, indeed, covered her ears.

Akko ignored her. “Next suspect! Let’s see… Constanze! You’re up!”

Constanze sighed, pondering the pros and cons of trying to resist arrest, as it were. Remembering the time with the airship, she – like everyone else – concluded that resisting Akko was an exercise in futility. With a frown, she got up.

“If she’s going, I’m coming too,” Sucy said. Akko couldn’t really figure out any reason to stop her, so she just watched as the duo gathered up Constanze’s contraband console and followed her.

As they walked, Constanze dug around in her pockets, before finally coming up with a cartridge and presenting it to Sucy. On the cartridge were the words _Bear Fighter VI: The Bears Go Wild._

“Beat Fighter VI? I didn’t even know they made a sixth one,” Sucy said, impressed. “I hope it’s really hardcore.”

Constanze nodded.

* * *

They arrived into the library. Diana had managed to turn on the lights again and had seated herself beside the fireplace, appearing to look into the flames intently. As they came in, Diana stood up.

“Ah. Miss Manbavaran and Miss von Braunschbank Albrechtsberger,” Diana greeted. Neither of the two acknowledged her, instead choosing to set up the console on the nearest table. “I see you are taking this seriously.”

Sucy lifted her head at Diana’s tone. “Really? We aren’t taking Akko’s super serious crush investigation seriously? How dare you. It’s first on my list of priorities.” A little grin appeared on Sucy’s face. “I see you’re pretty invested, though.”

Diana flushed a light pink. “I’m merely respectful of the things my friend feels passionate about, no matter how I may personally feel about them.”

“Sucy! Stop fighting!” Akko demanded, pouting at Sucy who had opened her mouth to retort something, no doubt something teasing.

Sucy shrugged. “Fine, do your interview.”

Constanze managed to get the system up and running, as Akko tried to figure out how to interview the only person that she knew who _didn’t talk_. At least, not a whole lot. Akko was spared from trying to rectify her strategic blunder, however, as Constanze plugged in _Bear Fighter VI_.

“Huh, I don’t remember there being so many hairy guys in the last one,” Sucy wondered. Constanze furrowed her brow.

Then the opening cinematic started to play.

* * *

“ _Bear_ Fighter. I get it,” Sucy said, moments later, as Constanze was busy incinerating the console in the fireplace, the magical flames happily swallowing up the offending device. Sucy grinned. “It _was_ really hardcore.”

Constanze shook her head and marched out of the room. Sucy followed, cackling.

Behind them, Diana and Akko were still in shock.

“I – I suppose that concludes this interview, yes?” Diana spoke.

“Yep.” said Akko, eyes wide and staring straight ahead.

“… should you get the next one?” Diana asked.

“Yep.”

* * *

After Jasminka’s interview, which had turned into an impromptu snack break, Akko was stumped.

The only possible candidate now was Lotte, and Lotte just didn’t seem the type. Still, talking to the gentle, supportive witch could be useful, Akko figured, so as she and Jasminka returned to the Red Team dorm room, she called the Finnish witch over.

“Alright, I’ll be right back, Barb!” Lotte waved Barbara goodbye, and hopped to join Akko, as Barbara happily went back to indoctrinating the returning Jasminka into the ranks of _night fall_ fangirls.

They walked in silence for a while. As they were descending the staircase down to the main hall, Lotte began to speak.

“So, no luck finding Diana’s crush, then?” she asked.

“No,” Akko admitted sadly. “I don’t really know who it could be.”

“Well, Akko, there’s a pretty likely suspect still around,” Lotte prodded, gently.

Akko sighed, miserably. “I know you all think it’s me, but… it can’t be. Any time I try to get close to Diana, she always backs away like she doesn’t want anything to do with me like _that._ She just wants to be… friends.”

Akko’s tone was completely despondent. Lotte felt for her friend. As she watched Akko drag her feet forward, she had an idea.

“I wasn’t talking about you,” Lotte said, mischievously.

“Really? Who then?” Akko perked up, looking around as if to see a mysterious romancer jump out from a closet.

“Me,” Lotte replied, with a flourish of her arms. “Lovely Lotte.”

“Oh, hah, hah,” Akko laughed, sarcastically.

“I’m serious. Turns out she’s a secret _night fall_ fan, and we really bonded over that,” Lotte explained, carefully watching her friend’s expression and noticing the small quirk of Akko’s lips. “Yeah, she likes to cosplay Arthur, with all the fur” – Akko snorted at the mental image of Diana cosplaying a werewolf – “I thought so too! But she really pulled it off. Only problem was that she wanted to be super realistic, because it’s Diana and she does everything to the T, so she stuck fake fur up her-“

Akko laughed, covering her face with her hands. “Stop!”

Lotte smiled, and bumped Akko with her shoulder. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah… thanks, Lotte,” she said, smiling at her friend.

* * *

“So, Lotte, what do you value most in a partner?” Akko questioned.

In a familiar arrangement, Lotte was seated opposite Diana as Akko observed them both. The rain was beating hard on the windows, now, and Akko found herself a little concerned for Professor Ursula, who was out there trying to control the floods.

“Honesty. I think that whatever happens, you’re supposed to be honest with your partner,” Lotte replied, evenly, looking straight at Diana, whose ears burned. “I think that you should share everything with your partner, so they’re never in the dark about your feelings.”

“I agree,” Diana said, feeling like a terrible fraud. “But sometimes sharing the truth can lead to terrible things.”

“Maybe,” Lotte said. “But you owe it to the person you love to do it anyways. You have to trust in them. Like in _night fall_ 173, Edgar knew that Arthur would get mad that he had been hiding his opera singing hobby from him, because that would ruin their ‘Terrible Karaoke’ nights together – you see, they both went there because they knew the other couldn’t sing, so they felt confident in singing with each other - but he told Arthur anyways. And even though Arthur was mad, he would have been angrier if Edgar had never shared at all.”

Diana avoided Lotte’s eyes. “Still, perhaps… Edgar… would have also been justified in keeping his, ah, singing secret, if it had been a while since he had anybody- anybody worth going to karaoke _with_ , and he didn’t want to do anything to jeopardise that.”

“Wow, Diana. I thought Lotte was kidding when she said you were a secret _night fall_ fan,” Akko ribbed.

“Pardon?” Diana asked, mystified.

“That’s exactly the reason Edgar was keeping it a secret in the book,” Lotte explained, smiling. “He didn’t want to lose his karaoke partner. But if he hadn’t come clean, he and Arthur would have never had their Las Vegas marriage ratified by the magistrate in Belgium.”

Diana was still confused.

“What I’m saying is, for them to take their relationship to the next level, Edgar had to be honest,” Lotte clarified.

“I see,” said Diana, sinking into her seat.

“But, Akko,” the orange-haired witch said, sunnily. “I don’t think I’m Diana’s crush. And even if I was, I don’t want someone that I have to keep explaining _night fall_ to, I want someone who gets it on their own.”

Akko shrugged nonchalantly. “I figured. Still, it was worth a shot!”

Smiling at her friend, Lotte waved goodbye and left the library.

Akko and Diana were left alone, again.

“So, I guess that’s everybody…” Akko said, hanging her head. The shorter witch, seeming completely exhausted, slumped down in the seat next to Diana and closed her eyes.

Diana reached out a hand and placed it on Akko’s shoulder. Without thinking, the brunette leaned her head on Diana’s hand. Without any conscious decision on her part, her fingers started stroking Akko’s cheek. The physical contact felt good, like drinking water after a long drought.

“Cheer up, detective Kagari,” Diana said, smiling. “We’ll get them next time.”

“We? Does that mean you’ll be my partner?” Akko asked, opening her ruby-red eyes to look straight into Diana’s. It was half a tease, and half a plea.

Diana withdrew her hand and put it in her lap. “I, um. I. Well.”

She wrung her hands together. Akko’s eyes closed again, and she let out a sigh. Then, suddenly, she jumped up, energized.

“There’s one more lead!” She declared, striking a fist onto her palm. “Wait right there, I’ll be right back!”

And she sprinted out.

* * *

“I need Hannah!”

The Red Team dorm room turned to look at Akko, who had burst in.

“I think you want to rephrase that.” Hannah said, scrunching up her nose at the brunette. Amanda, standing nearest to her, was having trouble keeping a straight face.

“No, I really need Hannah _bad_!” Akko insisted, jumping up and down. Amanda snorted. “I need her right now! What are you all laughing about? What’s so funny about needing- oh.”

Hannah lifted her palm to her forehead, while the rest of the dorm room giggled. Akko flushed red. The exact wrong time to say something like that, when she actually _did_ need Hannah!

“Ooh, I’d be careful about needing Hannah,” Amanda needled, intending to tease Akko mercilessly.

Sucy looked at Akko. “Why, Amanda? Does she bite?”

There was a low _ooh_ in the room. Amanda stammered something, flushed red, and shut up. Sucy flashed Akko a grin, which she gratefully returned.

“Anyways! Hannah, I need _you_ for questioning!” Akko declared, pointing at Hannah.

“Really, Akko? Me?” she asked, dryly. “Do you remember that I was the one who told you about Diana’s crush? Why would I tell you about it if I was the one?”

Akko tapped her finger to her temple. “It’s the perfect cover!”

Hannah sighed. “Well, I figure we need to talk to Diana, anyways. Come on, Barb!”

With a bit of uncertainty, Barbara stood up and joined Hannah, looking at the auburn-haired witch.

“Alright! Let’s go!”

* * *

Hannah and Barbara walked in, followed by Akko. Diana’s eyes narrowed.

“Hannah. Barbara.” Her tone was cold. Barbara shied away from her gaze, but Hannah held it, defiantly.

“Alright, let’s get started!” Akko said, striding in and ushering the pair in front of her to their seats. She was completely oblivious to the tension in the room, as Hannah and Diana eyed each other, and Barbara looked ready to burst into tears.

“Actually, Akko,” Diana said, her voice venomous. “Could I have a moment alone with my _teammates_?”

She emphasized the word “teammates” as if to draw attention to the fact that she wasn’t saying “friends.” Hannah rolled her eyes at the pettiness.

“I – um?” Akko asked, catching on to the cold mood in the room. Hannah was now resolutely looking away from Diana. “Okay? I’ll go and… do… a thing.”

The Akko Danger Sense, which was rarely activated, had started blaring at full volume, telling her to _get out_. Hastily, she backed out of the library, closing the door behind her.

Inside, there was a moment of silence.

“How could you tell everyone?” Diana asked, finally. “I thought you were my friends. My best friends, even. But you, you, you’ve humiliated me in everyone’s eyes!”

Tears welled up in Barbara’s eyes. Hannah, however, scowled at the wall, as Diana continued.

“I have every right to keep my feelings – any that there are – to myself! I did not even tell _you_ , but if I had, I would have expected you to… I would have thought I could _trust_ you.” Diana spat out the word “trust” like a curse. “So why would you declare it to everyone?”

Barbara’s cheeks were wet, as the tears that had pooled up in her eyes while Diana spoke had run over.

“Because she’s miserable.” Hannah’s voice was quiet.

“Excuse me?” Diana asked, mystified. Hannah turned her eyes to meet Diana’s.

“Akko. She’s miserable, if you haven’t noticed.” Hannah said.

“What – what are you talking about?”

“You keep sending her mixed signals,” Hannah’s voice was cold. “One moment you’re all lovey dovey and ‘oh, my dear friend Akko’, and the next you turn cold again and leave her in the dark.”

“I do not turn cold-“ Diana protested.

“Well, what do you think it looks like to her, when you clam up because she gets too close to your massive insecurities? It’s probably maddening for her! Frankly, I’m surprised she’s put up with it this long, and I don’t expect she will for long!” Hannah’s voice rose. The rain reached a crescendo, beating down on the windows. “So, excuse us for trying to make sure that you don’t throw away _the only person who makes you smile_!”

“I-“ Diana began, and stopped. There wasn’t really anything to say. Finally, she choked out: “I didn’t know you cared for Akko that much.”

“Why shouldn’t we?” Hannah’s voice was bitter. She turned her gaze away from Diana again, and the corner of her eye glimmered. “One of our best friends has a crush on her.”

After that, Diana truly couldn’t manage any more words. She sat silently, looking at the table in front of her, unable to meet the eyes of either of her friends, until finally the door cracked open.

“Um?” came Akko’s voice. “Everything okay?”

“Yes,” Hannah said, rising, no sign of tears on her face. “We figured out that we’re not the crush.”

“Okay?” Akko didn’t have it in her to contest that, as she took in Barbara – who was still openly crying – Hannah’s steely expression, and Diana, who hadn’t lifted her gaze from the table. She allowed the pair to pass her, when a small voice came from Diana’s direction.

“I’m sorry.”

Hannah didn’t turn. Barbara did.

“I don’t think you should be saying that to _us_.” she spoke through her sniffles. And with that, they were gone.

Akko was left alone with Diana, who was still staring at the table.

“Hey, Diana? Is everything okay?” Akko’s voice was full of concern. Two warm hands landed on Diana’s shoulders. For some reason, Diana’s sight had become blurry. “Diana?”

_What do you think it looks like to her, when you clam up because she gets too close to your massive insecurities?_

Something wet had appeared on the table top. Had the rain broken in?

“I’m sorry, Akko.”

“It’s okay,” Akko whispered, moving to hug her, enclose her in the safety of those warm, warm arms. “It’s okay-“

“But I must ask you to give me some privacy,” Diana’s voice was as cold and dead as the hole that had appeared in her chest. “I am sorry.”

The arms retreated. If she looked up now, Diana knew she would see hurt in those red eyes. She couldn’t bring herself to look up.

“Y-yeah, okay,” Akko said. There was a sniffle in her voice. “I’ll leave you alone.”

Footsteps retreated. The door clicked.

And Diana, in her solitude –

sobbed.

_I am throwing away the only person who makes me smile._

* * *

The Red Team dorm had fallen quiet.

Even though nobody tried to show it too openly, all the attention was on one figure – the brunette witch curled up on her bed. Even Amanda didn’t feel like teasing after hearing Hannah and Barbara’s abridged version of their conversation with Diana, and seeing the morose Akko trudge in.

There was nobody in the room who could reach Akko.

Lotte had placed a pastry in front of her, which had gone historically uneaten, and Sucy had surprised everybody by throwing a blanket at Akko. It was a violent kind of affection, but still affection.

Still, everybody’s spirits were definitely down. Outside, thee rain had slowed down to a miserable trickle, with the sun nowhere to be seen in the grey skies.

“Hey, Akko,” Barbara began, but was silenced by Lotte, who shook her head. Akko didn’t react.

Suddenly, the door was thrown open.

In the doorway stood Diana Cavendish, eyes puffy but clear and full of thunder. Akko’s eyes flashed at her.

“I-“ she stammered, looking at the eight pairs of eyes fixed on her, before fixing her gaze on the one pair that mattered to her.

“Detective Kagari!” Diana barked. Akko straightened up despite herself. “You think you were clever, don’t you? You thought the long arm of the law was blind! Wait, arms can not be blind... ah, I mean - You thought nobody would investigate you if you yourself led the investigation!”

Diana drew a deep breath and tried to block out everybody else.

“Atsuko Kagari, _you’re my crush_!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You thought it was just going to be humor and fluff all throughout, didn't you?! WELL I SLIPPED IN SOME ANGST! (at first, I thought about ending it with Diana in the library, but I realised that this isn't that kind of fic, so I wanted to reassure everybody that yes, it really is a happy fluffy fun fic. Really. I swear.)
> 
> This turned out to be a longer chapter (and the entire fic turned out to be much longer than I thought), and I didn't intend to write it yet, but the feedback was just so amazing and so encouraging that I couldn't help myself. Thank you guys so much for your comments and attention! Full credit for the Bear Fighter/ Beat Fighter joke goes to Badmemes in the comments. That's what you get when you buy bootleg games, Constanze!
> 
> The final chapter will hopefully be up before Friday - sorry for the wait!


	4. Guilty As Charged

“Atsuko Kagari, _you’re my crush!_ ”

Diana’s eyes were wild, as she pointed at the brunette lying on her bunk. Despite Akko’s lethargic posture, her eyes were alert and looking at Diana, but she didn’t say anything.

Diana knew she had been gambling, bursting into the room like that and attempting to resume their previous detective roleplay. She knew that pushing Akko away in the library might have been the last time the wonderfully energetic, impulsive witch would put up with her behaviour – which Hannah had so very well explained to her. But sitting there, alone, watching the grey skies and listening to the pitter-patter of the receding rain on the windows, she had come to a realisation.

Diana Cavendish had always kept everybody at arms’ length. It had, really, started with her aunt; a woman who was best kept at arms’ length, with maybe a few additional limbs added in as well, lest she send literal snakes after you. Her cousins were much the same – she had learned early on to never share anything to them, because to do so was to give her aunt weapons. Anna, her primary caretaker; tradition kept her at a distance, the distance between a servant (even if Diana had never thought of her as such) and a master. After her mother had passed, Diana had been forced to assume the mantle of Lady Cavendish, and from there on out, she had kept her distance to everyone. Even Hannah and Barbara, her best friends, she had treated… abysmally, now that she thought about it.

The only one to break through her shell, to force herself into close proximity and to force Diana to actually _engage_ … was Akko. Diana knew perfectly well that Akko wasn’t a perfect person. She was prone to being thoughtless, selfish even when it came to her dreams, impatient, rash and so _real_. She, armed with nothing but a believing heart, had broken through to Diana and made her believe as well. Believe that other people could be worth the trouble. Akko had allowed Diana a chance to be _Diana_ , as she was, and she had accepted her as such.

Sitting in the cold, grey light filtering into the library – even the fireplace had gone out, as if to accentuate her melancholy – she had finally realised what it would mean to do to Akko as she had done to everybody else in her life. It would mean no mad schemes that would land her in trouble if they got caught. It would mean no unplanned card games that interfered with her study time. It would mean no sudden ambushes about whatever book she had happened to lend Akko. It would mean no absurdity, no insanity and no excitement whatsoever.

Endless, grey days as Lady Cavendish.

And so she had decided. She wanted Akko, as she was, with no expectations or pressure. And the only way to truly show that to Akko, she had decided, was to truly embrace the wonderful insanity that the girl brought to her life.

So here she stood, in a dirty dorm room, which was about to be transformed into the courtroom where her fate would be decided.

“How do you plead?” she demanded, locking eyes with Akko and silently pleading her to respond. The brunette’s mouth hung open, and in her eyes Diana saw hesitation, when-

“Objection!” came the voice of Lotte, the romantic. “The defendant will enter no plea until the evidence has been suitably disseminated!”

“Sustained,” replied Sucy, grinning at her friend. “We’ll need some witness testimonies, too, which means all of you dummies.”

None of the witches in the room had ever been to a courtroom. Still, due process be damned, they would have a court drama! Sucy was the judge; Lotte the public defender, Akko the defendant and Diana the lone prosecutor, with the rest filling in as witnesses, jurors and the audience.

The stage was set, and it was time to begin.

“Okay, Diana thinks that she has a crush on Akko,” Sucy said, conquering the top bunk of Lotte’s to serve as her judge’s seat. Beside her, Constanze was tinkering with a new console to replace the one she had burned. “Do something, idiots.”

“I’d like to begin by saying that Diana has repeatedly referred to Akko as a friend and only as a friend, despite numerous advances towards her,” Lotte said, getting into her role. “Is that not correct?”

“Yes, but-“ Diana began, but didn’t get far.

“And to do that, you’ve had to ignore hints the size of Texas,” Amanda chimed in, from the bunk that was normally Sucy’s.

“Hang on, you aren’t even-“

“And not to mention that you would have had numerous opportunities to confess, and chose to use none of them,” said Hannah, from beside Amanda.

“Well-“

“Also, didn’t Akko get you roses one time?” asked Jasminka. Behind Lotte, who had risen to stand, Akko buried her face in her hands and groaned. Did they have to bring that up? Sucy had convinced her that Diana was cursed after she missed a day (due to the flu, as she later found out), and that a fresh bouquet of roses delivered at midnight was the only way to cure her. So, like an idiot, Akko had actually shown up at Diana’s door, at midnight, with roses, waking up not only her but Hannah and Barbara as well. As soon as Hannah had gotten around to sharing the story with Amanda, who in turn shared it with everybody else, Akko had suffered some of the worst teasing of her life.

“She kept those roses,” Barbara chimed in, coming to Diana’s aid. “She even enchanted them so they would last longer.”

Akko turned to look at Diana, who was faintly red. _She kept them?_

“Nevertheless, the fact remains – Diana has consistently acted against her having a crush on Akko, so why should we trust her now?” Lotte’s voice was steely.

Diana winced. It seemed like Lotte wasn’t exactly happy with how she had treated Akko after their _night fall-_ laden conversation about honesty. Voice wavering, Diana readied her retort.

“I would like to argue that I have not been of sound mind.” She drew a breath. What she was about to say had a fifty-fifty chance of working, and it would be embarrassing whether it worked or not. Swallowing her embarrassment, she gestured at Akko with both of her index fingers. “Because… one would have to be insane to turn down _that._ ”

There was a pause, as what Diana had just said registered with the room.

Then, collectively, the entire room groaned, except for Amanda, who whooped in excitement.

“That might have been the worst thing I’ve ever heard,” Sucy spoke, grimacing.

“Seriously, Diana?” Lotte asked.

“Wow,” said Hannah.

“What the hell, guys? I thought it was a great line!” Amanda said, seemingly completely genuinely. Somehow, her praise embarrassed Diana more than everybody else’s disappointment.

Hannah looked at Amanda in disgust, and moved farther away from her on the bed. Amanda was mystified. “What?”

Diana ignored everybody else, and focused on Akko. She was incredibly nervous to see the brunette’s reaction to her intentionally stupid line. Akko was looking at the floor, but Diana could just barely make out that she was –

smiling. Diana could have pumped her fist, had she been the kind of person who did that. _Success!_

“Can the prosecution give us anything that doesn’t want to make me shove metal spikes in my ears?” Sucy asked. “Or someone else’s ears. I’m not picky.”

“Yes, can you explain your behaviour in any way?” Lotte asked, pressuring Diana.

Diana hesitated. This was the truly scary part, but – she had to show Akko that she was willing to open up. She had to show her that she could trust, and that Akko was important to her. Nothing else mattered now, except Akko.

“Look, she’s got another zinger coming up,” Amanda said, standing up in excited anticipation. “C’mon, Cavendish, give us something good!”

“I suppose it started when my mother died,” Diana spoke. The entire room hushed.

Amanda sat down. “Wow, I misread that one _horribly_.”

Akko lifted her eyes to look at Diana. Diana found the strength to continue “Yes, that is… when it started. You see, my mother always encouraged me in everything I wanted to do, be it magic, or baking, or my love of a performer named Shiny Chariot.”

“Even when other children excluded me or my cousins made fun of me, my mother always made me feel safe and comfortable. So, when she passed, I was devastated. Suddenly, I was thrust into a world that was vastly different than the one I had grown up in.”

“I put away childish things, such as my love of Shiny Chariot. I assumed many of the duties of a lady of the Cavendish family. I learned to keep everybody at arms’ length – it was, for me, a survival tactic. And when I came to Luna Nova, I continued doing so. I kept even my best friends at a distance, even though they only ever had my best interests in mind.” Diana glanced at both Hannah and Barbara as she spoke. Hannah’s expression was soft, and Barbara had tears in her eyes. “And for that I am truly sorry.”

“Then, I met Akko. As you know, we did not care for each other at first. But I learned to respect her, and we became… friends. I couldn’t tell you when, exactly, my infatuation began. But nevertheless, sooner or later, I was… head over heels for her.” Diana looked directly at Akko, whose eyes were wide.

“And that terrified me. All the defences that I had carefully built were useless, as she cut straight through them. So, any time that she would get too close, I shut down. I would push her away, because I was afraid to open myself up to – pain. Because what if I were to lay my soul bare to her and she were to find something she didn’t like within me, and leave me? I was afraid that she would reject me – the true me -, so I rejected her pre-emptively.”

“And for that I am sorry. I am laying myself bare now-“

“Gross,” said Amanda, reflexively, and received a slap from Hannah.

“Laying my _soul_ bare, in front of you, Atsuko Kagari,” Diana continued, unaffected. “I have been complacent and cowardly in my relationship with you. I was satisfied with the closeness and connection that we already had, as friends, and I was terrified to ruin that by acknowledging my true feelings for you. I am sorry.”

And with that, Diana awaited judgement. The rest of the room held their breath. Outside, the rain had stopped.

Akko stood up.

“Complacent and cowardly,” Akko repeated. “Those were the things you hate in a partner, in the quiz we did.”

“Yes,” Diana said, with a sad smile. “Isn’t it said that the qualities we hate in others are actually the ones we despise in ourselves?”

Akko seemed to digest that. “You know how long I’ve waited to hear you tell me that you like me back?”

“I-“ Diana began, but Akko held up a hand to stop her. The shorter witch closed her eyes, let out a breath, and then opened them again, looking determined. She whirled to address the rest of the room.

“Before I say anything else, I want the jury to give their verdict!” she declared.

The “jury” looked around, confused. Finally, Barbara spoke.

“Well… she does talk about you more than about anybody else.”

“And you make her smile more than anybody else,” Hannah added, softly. Diana gave her friends a grateful smile.

“You seem to get her to do all sorts of stuff that she wouldn’t normally do,” Jasminka observed, barely looking up from a _night fall_ book. It seemed like Lotte and Barbara had managed to win her over.

“She literally dragged me out of the library by my ear ‘cause I flirted with you,” Amanda chimed in.

Finally, Constanze peered at them from next to Sucy. She looked back and forth between Akko and Diana, making Diana feel uncomfortably like she was being appraised, before giving Akko a thumbs-up and a rare smile.

Akko returned the smile, and then turned to Diana. Facing the blonde, her expression was unreadable. Diana held her breath, and had she been the type to pray, she would have. _Please…_

“Diana Cavendish,” she began.

Then she broke into a smile.

“I really, really, _really_ like you.”

Diana could have cheered. Amanda did cheer. The room seemed to be ready to break into celebration, but once again, Akko held up her hand.

“You were pretty dumb sometimes, but I’m pretty dumb all the time, so I don’t really want to judge,” Akko said. “And you make me happy. Like, all the time! And isn’t that the most important thing? So, if I make you happy too-“

“Deliriously so,” Diana confirmed.

“- and if my lawyer agrees,” she turned to Lotte, who gave her an enthusiastic smile and thumbs up. “So, in that case… Judge Sucy!”

“Hmm?” Sucy asked, appearing completely disinterested while peering down at Akko from the top bunk.

Akko drew a deep breath, and letting out all the pressure that had been building inside her for months, she declared:

“ _I’d like to plead guilty to being the crush of Diana Cavendish!”_

The room hushed, and looked up at Sucy.

“Okay.” Sucy said, shrugging. The room waited for a more suitable climax. Akko looked vaguely disappointed. Then, unable to hold it back any longer, she broke into a very rare, real smile. “Oh, okay. The court finds Atsuko Kagari guilty on all charges!”

Constanze had, amongst her tools, a hammer, which she used to hammer at the headboard of the bed. The room erupted into cheers, and Amanda took the opportunity to hug Hannah under the pretence of celebration. Jasminka regarded Diana and Akko warmly, Barbara wiped away tears, Sucy looked very satisfied and Lotte beamed at everybody.

Akko rushed to give Diana a hug that was more like a tackle, and Diana squeezed her as hard as she could. Then, feeling everybody’s eyes on them, the two witches separated and stood looking around awkwardly.

“So, um. What now?” Akko asked.

“Well, the court found you guilty of all charges, and the sentence is death,” Sucy deadpanned. Akko and Diana flinched, before Sucy grinned again. “But it’s commuted to kissing, and the sentence is to be served right now.”

“What?”

“ _What?_ ”

Akko and Diana had spoken at once.

“I’m not gonna k-kiss her right now!”

“There is _no way_ –“

Sucy held up her hand to stop them. “Listen up, dummies. You took a whole day and a full-blown mock-up of the judicial process just to _confess_ to each other. There’s no way you’re leaving here without kissing first, because if we let you leave now, you’ll just make your first kiss into some sort of huge, dramatic problem that the rest of us are going to get caught up in. So get it out of the way and give us some peace of mind.”

Both Diana and Akko stood with their mouths open. Neither could really come up with a rebuttal.

Akko turned to Diana. “Well… I guess she sorta has a point?”

“… we _do_ seem to have a bit of a penchant for drama,” Diana admitted.

“Definitely,” said Lotte.

“Yup,” said Amanda.

“You do,” agreed Barbara.

“Just ‘a bit’?” Hannah asked.

Constanze nodded.

“There is no need to underline it quite that much, thank you,” Diana said, glaring at the others. Suddenly she felt a warmth at her side, and saw that Akko had moved to stand close to her. Diana turned to face the shorter witch, blushing furiously. “W-well. I. Um.”

Akko’s blush matched hers. “Well, I- I guess we should get it over with.”

Diana let out a thoroughly undignified squeak. “I suppose there is no point in delaying.”

Moving in awkward, jerky motions, Diana set her hands on Akko’s midsection, while Akko’s hands came to rest on Diana’s shoulders. Diana’s shoulders felt tingly under the touch, and the tingle seemed to spread from her shoulders to her neck and back and scalp. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but just being so close to Akko was… a sensory overload.

Meanwhile, for Akko, her stomach was full of butterflies and the rest of the room had become weirdly blurry, while Diana’s eyes and lips were in sharp focus. She was trying to give herself a mental pep-talk ( _alright, the lips are right there, just, just, move forward and put yours on them, how hard can it be?)_ when she noticed Diana inching forward, and with half of her wanting desperately to run away as fast as possible, forced herself to match Diana’s movement. The butterflies went into overdrive.

Akko was now close enough that Diana could have counted each of her eyelashes. She could feel her breath. Her lips were coming inescapably closer-

Diana was going to _kiss_ her, and they were going to kiss each other, and Akko almost couldn’t keep still, it felt like her entire body was vibrating –

so close –

so close –

and finally, their lips met.

The story doesn’t tell whether it was Lady Beatrix smiling down on her descendant, or a final blessing from the Shiny Rod, or sheer, dumb luck, but nevertheless, just as they kissed, the rain clouds moved aside - and the last rays of the evening sun bathed Akko and Diana in gold.

As far as first kisses go, it was magical.

Both witches were breathless as they separated, still lost in their own, private world.

“Wow,” said Akko, giggling. “ _Wow._ ”

“I-indeed,” Diana agreed, shakily. “… wow.”

“Gross.” This time, the speaker was Sucy. Lotte was quietly gushing to Barbara about the magical nature of Diana and Akko’s first kiss. Sucy looked at Hannah and Amanda, who were still sitting next to each other. “Hey, you two. There’s still some of the magical lovers’ sunlight left.”

Amanda coughed. Hannah’s eyes narrowed. “What, exactly, do you mean?”

“I mean we can kill two birds with one sun,” Sucy said, without emotion. “Suck some face and be done with it.”

“I happen to agree,” Diana said, still high off her first kiss. “I can tell you from experience that waiting around benefits nobody.”

“E-excuse me?” Hannah asked, looking at both Diana and Sucy and separating further from Amanda, who was intently looking out of the window. “There is nothing between us.”

The entire room groaned. Lotte could be heard whining “not again”, and Barbara was looking at her friend, utterly flabbergasted.

“What?” Akko said, also returning onto solid ground. “What do you mean? You keep flirting with each other all the time!”

“We-we don’t _flirt_ ,” Hannah gasped, scandalized. “How dare you? Just because we’re… we’re…”

“Like two peas in a pod?" Akko asked.

“Like Edgar and Arthur in book 12?” Lotte chimed in. Barbara and Jasminka giggled.

“On each other more than Croix on her Roombas?” Sucy suggested.

“Romantically… involved?” said Diana, who had the will to tease, but not the vocabulary.

“More in denial than Akko and Diana?” The final one to speak was Amanda, who couldn’t resist such a perfect opportunity, even if it was partially on herself.

“Amanda!” Hannah hissed.

“What?” she asked, with a shrug of her shoulders. “It’s true.”

“Well, I think-“

They didn’t get to find out what Hannah thought, because the door was thrown open for the second time that evening. At the sight of the newcomer, the entire room froze in pure terror; for in the doorway stood Professor Finnelan, with a harried-looking Professor Ursula behind her. At the sight of their room, Finnelan’s eyes narrowed and Ursula’s widened.

Finnelan was furious.

“How dare you,” she seethed. “The teachers are gone for one afternoon, and the kitchens have been ransacked, the rooms are filthy, and somebody has been burning _electronics_ in the library!”

Constanze fidgeted a little. Finnelan took in the room.

“Kagari and O’Neill, I see you’ve once again managed to lead your teams to misbehave, but Miss Cavendish? What on earth are you doing here?” she asked. “Admonishing the misbehaving students, I hope?”

“Greetings, Professor Finnelan,” Diana curtsied politely. “No, actually, I was… participating.”

Finnelan’s nostrils widened. “Well! I hope that whatever you were doing, it was worth a _month’s_ detention!”

What happened next made both Finnelan and Ursula nearly faint, though for vastly different reasons: because under the eyes of her teachers and classmates, Diana Cavendish did, indeed, grab Atsuko Kagari by the waist and kiss her very, very thoroughly.

“It was.”

In her arms, Akko smiled at Diana, and all was well in the world. “It _really_ was.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew. That's all, folks! I might come back and add an epilogue, though.
> 
> 12k words in what, 4 days? Wow. I'm not sure if I've ever written this much. I might do NaNoWriMo at this pace!
> 
> I like that Akko, while genuinely oblivious, is also confused by all the mixed signals she's getting - it makes her more human, in my opinion, as opposed to just having her be an idiot. And I've always thought that one of the main reasons Diana would be into Akko is because Akko is constantly pushing her out of her routines and duties, like in the series, when she came to get Diana back to Luna Nova without giving a crap about tradition.
> 
> Also: yes, Diana did do the finger guns at Akko. It's one of my favourite throwaway gags here, others including Diana's super-formal attempt to tease Hannah and Amanda, "incandescent orbs" (because I remember that at one point everybody had incandescent orbs for eyes in fanfic), Amanda thinking Diana is going to shoot another pick-up line and then Diana goes MY MOM'S DEAD. and Amanda covering her ears. One of the authors I like most is Terry Pratchett, and part of the reason is how well he livens up his text with all these small gags that catch the reader's attention.


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